Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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