We're like a lot better than the average bears
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
