The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
