Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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