Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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