just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Those nachos came to me in a dream
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
