I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
