if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
