woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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