I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
