Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
