Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
