I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
