I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
