Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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