if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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