This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
