I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
