I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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