So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
