No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
