First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
