You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
