Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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