At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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