You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Couch. On fire.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
