He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize