I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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