i can't believe i had my finger in that
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
