She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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