I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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