dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
