Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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