i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
