I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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