Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
