Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
