next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
