dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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