She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
