Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
