and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
