he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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