i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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