I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
