Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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