so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
