Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
