i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
