I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
