I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
