You're my little dorito
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
