I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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