85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
